||[Sep. 7th, 2004|08:42 pm]
|[||the state of my depression
i feel so heavy. and wasted and i am not even wasted...i will be tomorrow. i am sorta excited, but at the same time i am eh.i feel lazy...do you feel those days where nothing really matters and it can all go to hell?I mean the world could end and it wouldn't even matter. i asked my dad if i could go on the computer, he said you can go on and it took me half an hour to get on.my dad asked if i was sick.i was like no.but i can't really explain it i sorta am.i mean like...in the brain.it's hard to understand what i am saying. i am tired.actually i think i am burnt out.am i a burn out? i hope not.but i dont really care.i want to do well in school.but i don't care to do well.I am worried.but i am not.i should want more out of life.but it doesn't really matter.i figure you try really hard and then you get a home and whatnot and then you die and someone else gets your home and all you personal belongings and it doesn't matter anymore.i got to the doctors on sept the 17th.i figure drugs can be the route of a problem and sometimes they arent.I fell more confident and like i don't care when i am high, then in real life, i seem to care about what others think and it doesn't fucking matter.IT DOESN'T!I got alexisonfire tickets that was good. i got a few new shirts and a pink floyd flag.i spent all my money in like one day.i have three wait, two and half grams of weed left.school has not been very productive, i haven't done anything of importance..WHO CARES.*selene spazzle.
you know what i relized there is a chocolate bar named after me.